This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
