if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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