Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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