I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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