she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
