I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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