Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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