If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
