exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
