she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
