I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
