i will never coherently bang her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize