How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You ruined the universe
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
