the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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