How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Non-Jews are for practice
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
