were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Blood and glitter go together right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
