apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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