Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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