I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
