I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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