# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
