Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
