nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
