i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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