So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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