Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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