I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sobbing to NWA
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
