i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
