i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
