you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
