Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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