When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
