Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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