Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
