...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
