I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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