i don't plan on having that self control this summer
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
