I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
