no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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