i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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