we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
