I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize