I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
