Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
