Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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