:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
