When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
