why im i the only drunk person in the library?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
