4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
