I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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