Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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