If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
