All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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