I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
