my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
