ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
