So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
