I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
