you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
